How to drive Wisconsintes nuts


Breaking news:

September 2, 2020 heard on the street: The national news is reporting unrest in KEN-ush-a. Oh my.

Say Rio like this: ree-oh. It’s pronounced rye-oh
Say Antigo like this: an-tee´-goh instead of an´-ti-go
Pronounce the q in Chequamegon, The word should kind of melts in your mouth, you know?
tray-goh. Nope. It’s tree-goh. And spelled Trego. Not spaghetti sauce
Say trip´-oh-lee instead of trip´-oh-lye for Tripoli. This is Wisconsin, not Libya
Say mug-wahn-uh-go instead of muk-wahn-uh-go. Note the K in Mukwonago. Sorry. No G in that first syllable. If I hear it from you again, I’ll start ignoring you.
Course if you’re from Milwaukee, you never use the L. mwau´-kee. 2 syllables. Only outsiders say the L in Milwaukee
Prounounce Shawano = shaw-wahn´-noh. Nope. 2 syllables. shaw´-noh
Eee-clare. Although there are eclairs in Eau Claire.
Just north of Eau Claire is Chip-wah Falls. People from Chippewa seldom say ew. Say chip-eew-wah enough times, you’ll likely get a pop in the nose.
If you’re not originally from Wisconsin, don’t even attempt Lac Courte Oreilles, which names a lake, a People, a town and a lot of other things. Just say LCO. It’s easier. If you’re looking to drive your favorite Wisconsinite nuts, just make an attempt at all those R’s and E’s and L’s and see what happens.
Bohners Lake has been so contentious that real estate people actually pronounce it wrong when trying to sell property there. There’s an obvious reason for this.
Careful of the people of Lodi. They’re pretty touchy about hearing load-ee.
Add a spare syllable to Weyerhaeuser sort of like why-er-houz-er and you won’t be too popular. ware´-houz-er
I’ve tripped over how-gen more than once and been corrected. haw-gen for Haugen.
Oulu. And you thought I was making these up. Not owl-loo. Just oo-loo.
poh-kee-gam´-a would certainly drive us nuts. It’s poh-keg´-e-mah
We really like confusion, so we pronounce the X in Crex Meadows, but leave it out of St. Croix Falls.
Tree´-ver is a good one, too. Just try saying Trevor with a short E and see what happens.

You could always put the accents on the wrong syllables like this:

What their moms called them:

Marty King
Larry Welk
Wally Cronkite
Bobbie Redford
Evie Waugh
Al Einstein
Peggy Thatcher
Chuck DeGaulle
Chuck Darwin
Mike Gorbachev
Lenny DaVinci
Ernie Hemingway
Hank Ford
Joey Stalin
Al Hitchcock
Woody Wilson
Kathy Hepburn
Bill Shakespeare
Chuck Dickens
Al Bell
Betty Browning
Sue Anthony
Tom Jefferson
Andy Carnegie
Orv and Bill Wright
Mal X
Hank Thoreau
Nikki Tesla
Jim Madison
Izzy Newton
Wally Raleigh

There’s a relentless crazy wind outside and the temperature is around zero degrees. I live in a cozy apartment on the second floor of a brick building. Yay.

So Judy said LemiShine the name of a product I’d recommended to her and I heard “lemme shine!” As in “you always steal the show.” And proceeded to tell me the story. It wasn’t until much later that I interpreted LemiShine. Hahahaha. Communication. I thought it was a bit out of character for her to say “Let me shine!”

When I grow up I want to be the guy that chooses the names of paint colors. Lobster, Savory Summer, Melody, Autumn Wreath, Topanga, Shocking (the color of my dining room!) Juicy, First Date, Sea Cottage, Rock Creek, Shallow Pool, Stowaway, Hot Hibiscus, Strong Wind, Dusty Cloud, Brotherhood, School’s Out, Splashed Puddle.

I’m not making these up.